I felt stuck at one job so I left for another, but I still feel stuck.
I’m not as tired as I used to be, but I still feel stuck.
I have more time for myself to focus on the things I need to, but I’m still stuck.
My humor has become so dry because my morale is so low. I tell everyone that once I have a full time job with benefits I’ll be happy. That it’s the only thing I want. Weekends Off! Health Insurance of my own! BENEFITS!
But, what if that’s not true? If I found these things would I be happy? Or would I still feel stuck?
As of right now, I’m pretty convinced that it’s the key to happiness, so I’ll hold on to that until I’m proven otherwise. I’ve seen posts floating around on the interwebs about how (dare I say) millennials see the bare minimums as the ultimate kind of happiness.
Their own roof. Decent health insurance. A job. Just to be an independent and functioning member of society. Not even to be well-off monetarily, but just to not have so much debt.
How sad is that? So sad it’s funny. My ultimate birthday wish? A fucking salary. Heck, I’ll even take hourly if it means it’s in the job field I want. Kill me. I’m turning 23, why can’t my birthday wish be something more whimsical? Oh yah I forgot, it’s because I’m being completely mediocre at life right now.
I feel disappointed at myself sometimes. I wonder if I did college wrong. Did I not prep myself enough for life after the four-year staycation from mom and dad?
The answer is probably “yes, Kiara, da fuq did you think this was?”
Well, Life, I wish you would have made yourself a bit more scary and more aggressive towards me in college so I would have scared myself into preparing better, damn. I hope to myself that there’s a lot of people like me.
This blog is called Losers of Crown Town after all. Losers as in plural, plural is in more than one loser. Yet, I feel like everyone around me has got their postgrad progress a little more accelerated than mine. It’s that good ole impatience holding hands with insecurity again.
Someone make me a smoothie and bring me a telenovela to drown the self-doubt away.