“For People Who Feel Behind In Life”

Trying something different today, friends. I’ve been coming across a lot of really helpful and often, entertaining, videos on Youtube about a variety of topics. I feel that a good amount of them would also be fitting for my blog. Thus I introduce the video highlight genre, for some added fun. Less reading, less work, more laughs.

Youtuber, Evelyn From The Internets, is quite the humorist and her most recent upload, “For People Who Feel Behind In Life,” is the perfect cocktail mix of comedy, reflection, confusion and encouragement. She gives the metaphor “life is a race” a fresh perspective that will no doubt earn a chuckle. And if you can’t run just like Evelyn and me, you’ll definitely feel a sense of community by watching this.

Quit Your Crying And Be Grateful For 2 Seconds

In the midst of my very negative energy, as of two mintues ago, I decided to focus on all the things that are right in my life. And yeah, I was actually low key crying in bed two minutes ago. I’m highly emotional right now, okay?! It’s easy to focus on the things you’re not happy with if you’ve become used to all the priveleges in your life that seem like a given. But those things aren’t given, they can easily be taken away. So I made a list in my head of everything I’m grateful for. Once I finished, I jumped out of bed to type it all out.

So here it goes

  1. My health
  2. I have both parents with me on this earth
  3. My dad, even though he is sick, he makes baby steps every day towards being better
  4. My mom, who surprisingly hasn’t pressed me too much on what it is exactly I’m doing with my life
  5. The bonus parent I have
  6. The health of my entire family
  7. The amazing group of friends I have who are all supportive
  8. I have a best friend I can be completely candid with about absolutely anything and everything
  9. I have a bachelor’s degree and I had the means to get to college, even if it meant debt
  10. Calling sunny California my home
  11. My car, while hella old, has not failed me
  12. The park across the street that I can jog at if I ever finally decide to get my physical health in check
  13. My internship, while unpaid, provides me with experience and is complete with a team that is both welcoming and encouraging
  14. My job, because better to have one than none at all
  15. All the positive and ridiculously friendly people at my job
  16. My clear skin! lmao
  17. Access to internet and my unlimited data plan
  18. While I’m practically broke, I do still have savings dedicated to paying my loans (thank da lord).
  19. My dog who I direct all my out loud thoughts to
  20. My bed
  21. The free housing my parentals provide me
  22. My bilingual capabilities that let me enjoy melodramatic telenovelas
  23. In addition, Netflix

Twenty-three things I’m grateful for in my twenty-third year. Totally didn’t do that on purpose, but it fits so I roll with it.

I feel a little better so I suggest you give it a go as well.

And if that doesn’t work I guess you can go back to crying. It’s cathartic anyway.

B*TCH I’M STUCK

I felt stuck at one job so I left for another, but I still feel stuck.

giphy1

I’m not as tired as I used to be, but I still feel stuck.

I have more time for myself to focus on the things I need to, but I’m still stuck.

My humor has become so dry because my morale is so low. I tell everyone that once I have a full time job with benefits I’ll be happy. That it’s the only thing I want. Weekends Off! Health Insurance of my own! BENEFITS!

But, what if that’s not true? If I found these things would I be happy? Or would I still feel stuck?

As of right now, I’m pretty convinced that it’s the key to happiness, so I’ll hold on to that until I’m proven otherwise. I’ve seen posts floating around on the interwebs about how (dare I say) millennials see the bare minimums as the ultimate kind of happiness.

Their own roof. Decent health insurance. A job. Just to be an independent and functioning member of society. Not even to be well-off monetarily, but just to not have so much debt.

How sad is that? So sad it’s funny. My ultimate birthday wish? A fucking salary. Heck, I’ll even take hourly if it means it’s in the job field I want. Kill me. I’m turning 23, why can’t my birthday wish be something more whimsical? Oh yah I forgot, it’s because I’m being completely mediocre at life right now.

I feel disappointed at myself sometimes. I wonder if I did college wrong. Did I not prep myself enough for life after the four-year staycation from mom and dad?

The answer is probably “yes, Kiara, da fuq did you think this was?” 

Well, Life, I wish you would have made yourself a bit more scary and more aggressive towards me in college so I would have scared myself into preparing better, damn. I hope to myself that there’s a lot of people like me.

This blog is called Losers of Crown Town after all. Losers as in plural, plural is in more than one loser. Yet, I feel like everyone around me has got their postgrad progress a little more accelerated than mine. It’s that good ole impatience holding hands with insecurity again.

Someone make me a smoothie and bring me a telenovela to drown the self-doubt away.

giphy

K thnx.

“Once I’m Established”

The phrase “once I’m established” is my favorite thing to say when I imagine my successful, adult future. For some time I’ve kept a poorly organized mental list in my head of all the things I hope to do the second I become a stable, functioning member of society. They go beyond the normal “I want to decorate my own home” type of ideas. Although they aren’t even that impressive lol. I think most people have nice, reliable cars (see item 8). These will be the things that prove that I have finally entered the true adult life:

  1. Own a garage and park my car inside (not having my own home means I’m the extra car that parks on the street)
  2. Enroll in pole dancing classes (fitness classes will mean I have extra money to spend, plus I’ll gain extra street cred for being able to pole dance)
  3. Actually pay for a Netflix account (as I currently mooch of my mom’s).
  4. Sleep in a new, nice, expensive mattress (The day I move out permanently, is the day I buy myself the most prestigious mattress I can afford).
  5. Have a room dedicated as a library (being established must mean that I have accumulated a mass amount of literature in my journey to adulthood.)
  6. Grow avocado trees in my backyard (I just really like avocados and really dislike their priciness)
  7. Teach my kids Spanish (as a prospering adult I surely have perfected my own Spanish skills, bagged a man, and yielded children to educate.)
  8. Own a reliable, fairly new car that doesn’t have multiple issues or embarrassments.
  9. Have a shit ton of shoes, just because I love shoes.
  10. Chop off all my hair. I have this idea that as an established adult who is happy and confident, I will no longer feel the need to have hair on my head lol.

Keeping a list like this, keeps things fun for me. They’re little things to look forward to and I’m definitely interested in how many I’ll actually be able to check mark.

How To Stop Yourself From Sinking

There are some days when I wake up and I can tell I’m feeling a bit down. It’s usually on my off days when I’m not being distracted by interning or work. With everyone in the house gone and most everyone I know busy, if I don’t get up early and make myself do things, I begin to sink even more.

wave-ocean-animated-gif-8

Sinking is not something that happens just in one day and then the next day it’s back to normal. I’ve been sinking since probably November or December. It’s very slow. It’s like Post-Grad Funk: Extended Addition. It’s the moment when the funk starts to feel a bit more permanent. I sink a little bit each day, but I don’t notice it everyday if that makes sense.

Last night I noticed it. This morning I noticed it. It’s not any one, particular thought that makes me sink. It’s a vague feeling. And I knew that if I wasn’t productive with my day today it would get worse.

When I really think about it, its the uncertainty of my life that acts as the catalyst for sinking. It’s probably different for everyone, but I’m willing to bet that for anyone around my age it just might be the same factor.

So last night I set my alarm for 7am. Waking up early almost guarantees a better day just because you feel good about yourself for getting up early when you didn’t necessarily have to.

I try to run any errands I need within the first two hours of getting up. It help me to feel productive, even if it’s as simple as going to the grocery store.

Going out for a jog. Walking my dog through the park. Being outside at all will help me to feel better. April is a beautiful, sunny month in California. Escaping the house will always make me feel like I’m a part of the rest of the population rather than the sense of isolation I get from being inside my house.

Face-to-face interaction or vocal communication helps because I need to hear others’ voices. It helps get me out of my own head and texting just doesn’t cut it. I’m an extrovert by nature and being around others is how I get my energy.

Lastly, I try to get my responsibilities taken care of. If I spent the entire day being a vegetable on youtube or Netflix (where I’m just staring at a screen) I would feel guilty and frustrated with myself. So if I’m on the computer I need to at least spend a few hours working on assignments for my internship or applying to jobs or working on my online classes. Something. Anything that will help push me further for my future.

It’s so crazy to think that even though I’m doing multiple things to better myself and get to where I want to be, I still feel like I’m not doing enough. I’m still so self-conscious of where I’m at in life. It’s never enough. So I guess the best thing to do is to keep yourself busy until it goes away? Who knows.

I might be ignoring the sinking or pushing it off, but it’s better than letting it engulf me.

Rest in Peace to My Beloved Friend and Fellow Loser

We gathered here today to say goodbye to a graduated loser gone too soon just in time.

She was able to move onward and upward before the 1 year mark of her graduation date. She is in a better place now. What is this better place you may ask? Grad school.

She has been accepted into grad school. She has moved on and successfully shed herself from her loser title. No, she did not actually die. I’m just melodramatic. But hey, this is serious! The Losers of Crown Town consisted of 3 official members and 1 honorary member. And now, there’s just two of us left!

My best friend is going to be starting her program for both a teaching credential and master’s degree. And we are super stoked for her!

IMG_2718

Look at her lovely Korean face^

Two things have happened as a result of this exciting change.

1. She has completely vanished from our Losers of Crown town group message

IMG_4144

2. It is now a race two the finish between me and my only remaining loser left.

Who will be the last one standing? Only time will tell!

Read a Book That’s Cheesy Yet Insightful

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho is where you should go. Yes I’m aware, it’s a well-known book. Most readers have already read it. Well, read it again then! Dang. For those who don’t know, it’s a short read (that somehow took me four months to read), BUT it did give me some food for thought.

The first few pages into the book there’s the introduction of the book’s major theme which is the Personal Legend. This is the super cheesy part. When I first read the page that brought this phrase to page I thought, “Oh great, this is some cliche, soul-searching novel, isn’t it?” And why yes, yes it was.

But considering my awkward placement in life, it might have been just what I needed. A personal legend is the idea that everyone on this Earth has a set path they are supposed to live out. Everyone is meant to do something and reach this amazing, self-fulfilling place. The kicker is, just because it is meant for you, doesn’t guarantee it will happen. It’s a two-way street. You gotta acknowledge it and then work for it. You can buy into it or not.

I for one will say the novel does a great job at saying one thing to the reader, if you have a gut feeling, something inside you that is pulling you a certain direction, go for it! It will usually be the deep desire or dream you have that scares you shitless. I think most times we tend to push those feelings away because they seem impractical, impossible and scary. If something seems too far out of our reach, we often tend to not even bother. I’m constantly trying not to fall into the temptation of not even trying because the “it” seems too far to reach. Therefore, reminders like The Alchemist can be the small jolt you need to continue pushing forward. So yeah it’s cliche but get over it! Some of life’s best secrets “are hidden behind the word cliche.”